An absolute pain in the tit

I’ve had such a fun week.

It started okay. Last monday was as good as a monday can get, but it went downhill from there — you know it’s bad when monday is the best day of the week.

In the middle of the night between monday and tuesday I woke up with a sharp pain in my chest. I realise that sounds pretty ominous, but a few key points made it less of a worry: The pain was about half-way between my sternum and my armpit, not near the center of my chest. I didn’t have problems breathing or feel like there was a weight on my chest. I had no pain or numbness in my limbs. I did feel a little light-headed, but no more than you would expect from being woken up in the middle of the night.

All in all, I decided this could wait until the morning, and getting more sleep was a priority. This was perhaps a bit optimistic, but I did get some sleep despite the pain.

I called the doctor’s office in the morning, and got to experience first-hand how chest pains are treated differently than, well, any other ailment I’ve had ever: My phone call was immediately transferred directly to my doctor, and the doctor asked me to come in right away.

So I did, and a quick examination confirmed what I already suspected: It’s highly unlikely to be dangerous. Heart and lungs sound okay, so it’s probably a muscle issue, perhaps caused by me coughing like I have the coughing plague for the last couple of weeks. The doctor promised me a prescription for some fancy painkillers, and off I went.

Back home I went for a nap, both to catch up the sleep I didn’t get during the night, and to spend a couple of hours before heading to the pharmacy. For some reason it sometimes takes an hour or three before a prescription becomes available, and I didn’t fancy walking to the pharmacy twice.

Except, of course, when I came to the pharmacy, there was no prescription waiting, and phone hours at the doctor’s were now closed.

I had to survive the night on over the counter painkillers, and found that they do absolutely nothing for this pain. Fun times. I felt barely human calling the doctor the next morning. Things did not improve when I was told my doctor was not in this day, but thankfully another doctor was willing to write me a prescription.

From there on the pain got worse. Thursday was okay, friday was a bit worse, saturday got really bad. The motion of sitting up hurt so much I barely managed to get out of bed saturday morning. Coughing hurt. Laughing hurt. Just breathing deeply hurt. Breathing deeply actually hurt so much I found myself unable to sneeze! I would feel the sneeze come, I would do the sharp intake of breath pre-sneeze — and the pain would come and the sneeze just stopped there. Hilariously fun times, because if you manage to stop a sneeze, it will just try again a minute later. And again. And again.

Oh, and the fancy painkillers I got do nothing for this pain, either. They work marvelously for eradicating every other pain in my body, but the chest pain seems to be broadcasting on a different pain channel.

Trying to lie back down on saturday evening was a slow process. Falling asleep was even slower. Waking up in slightly less pain on sunday was an incredible relief.

This monday I’m feeling more or less functional again, as long as I don’t cough or laugh too hard. I still have no idea what caused this, but I’m hoping it’s almost over.

Leave a Reply